Vivek Agnihotri

July 19th, 2010

tv-indian

21″ is the new Indian number.

That’s the average size of a TV set.

One great thing about India is that most of her food-less, water-less, electricity-less and sanitation-less Indians have access to a 21″ TV Set. And, therefore, most of the TV channels have access to these TV junkies.

There was a time when few privileged had a TV set and the rest were just peeping toms, watching through windows of neighbours or on a TV showroom diaplay. Balance had to make up with stories in the office, vegetable shop or a barber shop. The TV newsreader of that era had a baritone. Baritone reflects authority and seriousness. He/she rarely smiled and entire India waited at 9pm to see Salma Sultan smile (just once) before saying good night. This news used to be government owned and mostly mouthpiece of Congress. Then came a foreign-educated(this term conveys a lot about a person), bearded guy with shrill voice and tired eyes and he changed everything. He was a number-juggler and his analysis and humble body language made News interesting. He started wrapping up a week’s world affairs in an hour. He showed lots of clippings from the world which Govt. news never did (barring Gandhi family’s speeches). Indian middle-class viewer who had never travelled outside Gandhi Nagar or Mahavir Nagar, suddenly, started seeing the world, its people, its culture. Occasionally, he saw how rich people lived, behaved, fought or even killed. His aspirations changed. His Munni and Guddu started dreaming of Phoren. India’s liberating economy started dreaming of foreign investment. Phoren media moguls were waiting for this ‘aha’ moment. India meant 1 billion eyeballs. Local need and Phoren strategy synergized and emerged new Indian TV. Unparalleled in the world. It invented its own language, style, idiom, phraseology, parlance, nuances and above all its own dominance. The dominance came from realization that we are a form -oriented society. We believe in myths. We believe in illogic. We love bitching. We love to see people getting humiliated. We are hypocritical. And, above all, we love drama. TV channels made a great concoction of all these and thus emerged great Indian News circus. Global setting, local masala. If you are not an Indian, believe you me, in your first encounter with Indian news your pulse will stop for a moment. Its not as bad as you imagine. Its worse. I’ll tell you why. In two parts. This is part ONE.

breaking-news-india-tv 1. BREAKING NEWS

Any channel, at any time has Breaking News. Now, I don’t know WTF that means. How does any news qualify to become breaking news. Does it break into the newsroom or the newsroom breaks into it. Are they manufactured during the Breaks? How can the channel take credit for a breaking news of ND Tiwari (Ex CM & Governor) or swami Nityanand’s sexual amusements. Shouldn’t the credit go to the players of the game? When terrorists strike Bombay’s Taj who is making the news? The terrorists or the channel? And what is this obsession with ‘Remember, we are the first to break this news’. I find that funny. It depends on which channel you switched first as all of them are claimimg to be first. And even if you are first so what’s the big deal. Its not a race, dear. Haven’t you heard about the ‘last laugh’ stuff. “I have seen lots of shows like these, but I had to pay admission fee” – Now, that’s the breaking news.

Do Aliens Drink Cow Milk?

2 .THE GREAT DEBATE & THE RINGMASTER

“Tonight on this programme we will get to the bottom of the issue and settle this debate once and for all.” Issue can be ‘Gulf-oil-spill’or ‘Do aliens drink cow milk?’ Now, every news, issue has to have a debate. Strange are the ways of this nation. Noone debates in this democracy. A parliament meant for debating, doesn’t debate. Noone debates in a society with its varied communities, religions, desperate issues seeking constructive debate… noone debates but news channels are perpetually in a debating mode proclaiming the seriousness, criticality and urgency of the issue and we, the viewers, are supposed to embark on this journey with a hyperventilated saviour like Arnab or Barkha Dutt (Shabana Azmi of TV)*. He has a whip of ‘time running out’ and like a ringmaster he whips anyone who is not in tandem with him. This saviour never has time. He is in such a hurry as if Nation is waiting for his verdict to hang someone. The ritual starts with introduction of panelists (more on them in next pointer). The Ringmaster tells them what he thinks should be the country’s take, for the country’s sake, which is actually his take depending on what is his channel getting from where. This Ringmaster with his prejudices and very sterotyped urban understanding of issues has already decided the conclusion of this debate. His problem, like Navjot Siddhu is to fill the space with noise. So, he choses his panelists who can fit into archtypical roles. These panelists fight, accuse, abuse each other , if only they are allowed to speak by the hyper host. (In a debate on ‘Annual Central Budget’ average time a panelist got to speak was 15 seconds). Depending on the criticality of the issue, this Ringmaster gets so hyper and critical that one honed rhino gets poached in Kaziranga everytime he opens his mouth. Somewhere deep he believes, if he keeps talking he’ll end up saying something intelligent. Or, at least audience will start believing so. Remember Mr. Host, Jesus loves you but everyone else thinks you are an idiot.

3. THE PANEL OF JOKERS

21″ circus isn’t complete without its jokers. They are called experts/ panelists/guests, whatever. You may wonder how they reached here. I am sure someone must have left the cage open. Demographically, psychographically, they come in different skins but sociologically they are all connected to same DNA. Retired & unemployed. Unheard and discarded. Useless & empty. Their only qualification is that they have enough time and patience to be on these slots and get humiliated night after night. They are like Fardeen Khan: Status but no box office appeal*.

The IBS TYPES: This guy has diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of ideas. When he talks all you can wait is to see him breath. He keeps talking while others talk. His audio line is often disconnected still you can see him gabbing. You won’t mind him talking so long as he won’t mind you not listening to him. Most of them are found on Kashmir and Pakistan issues. His verbosity is exceeded only by his stupidity. He has nothing to do with the issue. He is an issue himself.

The STATISTICIAN: He is always on the edge of his seat. The minute ringmaster looks at him a book of stats falls off his mouth. He finds statistics so beautiful that even toilet paper in his house has page numbers on it. He quotes clauses/articles/amendments by dates. He gets busy during budget season and polls (which we have on an average 6 months in a year). Rest 6 months he claims to be teaching at JNU, Jamia Milia or some complex anagram of a government org. Unfortunately, noone is impressed with his stats. Even his wife has no stats. And he wears ugly glasses.

The BIHARI: They come in two types:

1. One who thinks Dom Perignon is a coal-mine’s Mafia boss.

2. Second with an attitude “I’m a Bihari politician, whats your excuse?”

He speaks in Hindi which others don’t understand. Others speak to him in English which he doesn’t understand and that’s his advantage. You can’t argue with him. You can’t shut him up. While talking, his red eyes pop up so much that you can’t even look in his direction. He calls urban women ‘Lipstick wali aurat’ (meaning Besharam, behaya) he calls urban men ‘ English speaking wine drinkers’ (meaning ‘you ignorant bastards). If you don’t buy his point-of-view he may challenge you ‘outside the studio’. This dangerous type represents real India (70% India lives in villages). He is gradually becoming extinct on TV. So is real India and its real issues.

The ANALYST: He is a Steel Trap: Always closed. This man is generally a retired army officer, defense analyst or a retired beaureucrat. His ideas got locked the day he retired. His India rotates in thick government files. His every sentence begins and ends with ‘ The law of the land….’. He is your safest bet to switch channels as you have heard him million times. Imagine, how original can a guy be if he was called a government SERVANT all his life. He takes long pauses and that’s his undoing as in every pause the IBS type enters and screws his screen time. He is always trying to show ‘the big picture. Noone has told him that its not possible to show The Big Picture on Small Screen.

The FLIRT: This guy sits quietly with a smile and a glint in his eyes, always looking at the sexy host or horny auntie type panelist. If none are there then he has all female audience in his mind. And the sexy hostess knows what is he thinking: “you are lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar”. He speaks only when asked. And he says whatever you want to hear. He is a Genuine Fake. Like his Rolex.

The KHILADI: He knows the drill -”Say whatever you want, I’ll ignore it”. Then condemn it. Then accuse you. Then abuse you. Then… its time for a break. Who remembers a damn after the break. He has loyalties of a ferocious pedigree Doberman, acting skills of Amrish Puri and legal know-how of Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny*. He is so loyal to his Italian/Rural/Saffron leader that he is almost orgasmic. He is so aroused with loyalty convulsions that he goes ballistic at the mere mention of his leader’s name. He has changed his statements so often that his tounge has got stretch marks. Next time if you meet Abhishek Manu Singhvi, Ravi Shankar Prasad, Arun Jaitely, Jayanti Natrajan, Manish Tiwari don’t forget to peep inside their mouths, which are always open.

The ARROGANT: He has an accent (British). He has a suit (Armani). He has a watch (Rolex). He is here to debate on Khap (Honour Killings). He is bit confused as he thought Khap is a new kind of weed. And above all, he has an attitude: “If you don’t like my opinion, improve youself”. He is Suhel Seth. He is Shobha De. He is Alyque Padamsee. He is Prahlad Kakkar. The usual suspects. India to them is South Bombay or South Delhi. They define India. They judge issues. To them village means Bihar. Global warming means irritating power-cuts. Terrorism means 9/11 or 26/11. Terrorist means Narendra Modi. They are fixers of scams. They rule 21″. The only person they are scared of is the Rural Bihari guy.

The SEXY AUNTIE: Her only weapons against these debate-cannibals is her sex. Her Bindi. Her Kajal. Her handloom sari. Ahe represents mandi House and she works with an NGO. She is in arts & culture. She is an environmentalist. Above all, she is a wife or a mistress of a high powered guy. She defends everything chaste and noone argues with her for the fear of losing votes of females, vegetarians, believers of re-incarnation and SriSri Ravi Shankar. She wants to sue everyone except for her own brains for non-support.

Be it terrorism, kashmir, naxals, droughts, Femines, Swine Fu, Honour Killing, World Cup, cricket, Valentines’s day, Bachchans or Prince in a hole- these are the jokers who define India Today.

The best part of these debates is that as a Joker you can let your hair down and just be your fake selves.

I wonder how the architects of our constitution forgot to mention the need for a license for this circus. Anyone who told them that they are journalists has done this nation a huge diservice.

I seriously fail to understand what makes 21″ so dumb and stupid but it seems to work. Indian media is what you would use as a blueprint of idiocy.

So, tonight when you switch on will you be able to identify these jokers?

See you, after a break.

Posted in India, Media | 56 Comments »

June 17th, 2010

Dear friends and my blog family,

A riot scene in India

People are dying.In all parts of India. In all parts of the world.

Young, old, children, women, poor, adivasis, dalits, Muslims, Hindus, police, army, rebels. People of all kinds. All religions. All shapes. In practically all parts of India. J&K. Himachal. Punjab. Haryana. Uttaranchal. All of North-east. West Bengal. Jharkhand, Orrisa, Bihar, UP, Chattisgarh, MP, Gujarat, Rajasthan, Mahrashtra, AP, Karnataka, Kerala, TN. oops, that’s almost all of India. People are dying everywhere in riots, terror attacks, insurgency, sabotage, insurgence, protests, exploitation, internal security measures, poverty, malnutrition, suicides. In honour killings. If that’s not enough then of natural calamities. In almost all states there is a demand for further division of state by demographic disparity or cultural unity. Country is getting divisive, policies exclusive and general fibre decaying. State is fighting its own people. If you are not a NRI, romantic or an indifferent affluent urbanite or a beneficiarey of a ‘shining India’ you can easily smell a civil war of unprecedented proportion. And if you have not noticed let me inform you that the average income of most of these people dying is less than $1 a day. That can buy approximately one third of a BigMac Burger.

The biggest PR scam that India has carried in the world arena is that of creating an image of a just, fair, socialist democracy. The biggest sacm was devised by late Prime Minister Indira Gandhi, the architect of modern India and later by his son Rajiv Gandhi. The scam that the interest of the poor is at the heart of the Government. Just and fair? Now, lets look at it. 40% of India is under direct military, paramiliray control. 30% of balance 60% is under CRPF and border security force. Most of these regions are mineral rich or regions of great tourist attractions. And, this is not India’s problem. Its a world problem. in almost every developing country.

There are debates and analysis pointing at various issues but none points at the root cause. Why was Kuwait attacked? Why was a war fought in Vietnam? Why do you think USA was attacked? What is the real reason behind attacks on Afganistan or Iraq. Why do you think Naxals are striking Paramilitary? Why was Taj at Bombay attacked? Why did the world economy crashed? Was it just greed?

“All value systems are functions of economic systems”

The single most most important reason being the DISPARITY. The disparity in the world has reached an unprecedented proportion. The inhuman, unbearable conditions that the ‘havenots’ of the world live in is a terrorizing sight.Its so frightful that the ‘haves’ like us have put blinkers. These ‘have nots’ may not have resources but they are human like us filled with god given traits like jealousy, hatred, greed and violence. They can think. And they are thinking why such injustice. Noone is listening to them. Instead, we are taking political armies to take away their land and their minerals. So, they question their own survival. And the only answer they find is violence. Loot. Arson. Terrorism. They have started coming out on streets. Signs are everywhere. India, China, Thailand, all of Africa, all of middle-east, All of far-east. To put it simply, all of developing world. This is new world-war. Its not going to be fought between countries. Its not going to be for land. Its not going to be for power. Its going to be fought between Haves and Have-nots. Its going to be fought everywhere, anywhere. Its going to be fought for bread. For water. For sanitation. Its going to be fought for equality. For justice.

Look at some key startling facts and judge for yourself if you were on the other side how would you react. ( if statistics bore you please skip and just look at the pictures)

Children in a slum

42% of Indian population earns less than 1 dollar.

At least 80% of humanity lives on less than $10 a day.

. More than 80 percent of the world’s population lives in countries with huge income disparities.

. The poorest 40 percent of the world’s population accounts for 5 percent of global income. The richest 20 percent accounts for three-quarters of world income.

. According to UNICEF, 24,000 children die each day due to poverty. And they “die quietly in some of the poorest villages on earth, far removed from the scrutiny and the conscience of the world. Being meek and weak in life makes these dying multitudes even more invisible in death.”

. Around 27-28 percent of all children in developing countries are estimated to be underweight or stunted.

. Nearly a billion people entered the 21st century unable to read a book or sign their names.

. Less than one per cent of what the world spent every year on weapons was needed to put every child into school by the year 2000 and yet it didn’t happen.

Some 1.1 billion people in developing countries have inadequate access to water, and 2.6 billion lack basic sanitation.
Almost two in three people lacking access to clean water survive on less than $2 a day, with one in three living on less than $1 a day.
More than 660 million people without sanitation live on less than $2 a day, and more than 385 million on less than $1 a day.
Access to piped water into the household averages about 85% for the wealthiest 20% of the population, compared with 25% for the poorest 20%.
1.8 billion people who have access to a water source within 1 kilometre, but not in their house or yard, consume around 20 litres per day. In the United Kingdom the average person uses more than 50 litres of water a day flushing toilets (where average daily water usage is about 150 liters a day. The highest average water use in the world is in the US, at 600 liters day.)
Some 1.8 million child deaths each year as a result of diarrhoea
The loss of 443 million school days each year from water-related illness.

Water O' water....
Number of children in the world 2.2 billion
Number in poverty 1 billion (every second child)

10.6 million died in 2003 before they reached the age of 5 (same as children population in France, Germany, Greece and Italy)
1.4 million die each year from lack of access to safe drinking water and adequate sanitation

Urbanization is not synonymous with human progress. Urban slum growth is outpacing urban growth by a wide margin.

Approximately half the world’s population now live in cities and towns. In 2005, one out of three urban dwellers (approximately 1 billion people) was living in slums.

In 2005, the wealthiest 20% of the world accounted for 76.6% of total private consumption. The poorest fifth just 1.5%:

.
The poorest 10% accounted for just 0.5% and the wealthiest 10% accounted for 59% of all the consumption:

. 1.6 billion people — a quarter of humanity — live without electricity:
Breaking that down further:

. The GDP (Gross Domestic Product) of the 41 Heavily Indebted Poor Countries (567 million people) is less than the wealth of the world’s 7 richest people combined.

. World gross domestic product (world population approximately 6.5 billion) in 2006 was $48.2 trillion in 2006.

The world’s wealthiest countries (approximately 1 billion people) accounted for $36.6 trillion dollars (76%).
The world’s billionaires — just 497 people (approximately 0.000008% of the world’s population) — were worth $3.5 trillion (over 7% of world GDP).
Low income countries (2.4 billion people) accounted for just $1.6 trillion of GDP (3.3%)
Middle income countries (3 billion people) made up the rest of GDP at just over $10 trillion (20.7%).

. The world’s low income countries (2.4 billion people) account for just 2.4% of world exports.

. The total wealth of the top 8.3 million people around the world “rose 8.2 percent to $30.8 trillion in 2004, giving them control of nearly a quarter of the world’s financial assets.”
In other words, about 0.13% of the world’s population controlled 25% of the world’s financial assets in 2004.

. For every $1 in aid a developing country receives, over $25 is spent on debt repayment.

. 51 percent of the world’s 100 hundred wealthiest bodies are corporations.

. In 1960, the 20% of the world’s people in the richest countries had 30 times the income of the poorest 20% — in 1997, 74 times as much.

. An analysis of long-term trends shows the distance between the richest and poorest countries was about:

3 to 1 in 1820
11 to 1 in 1913
35 to 1 in 1950
44 to 1 in 1973
72 to 1 in 1992
Over 85 in 2008

. A mere 12 percent of the world’s population uses 85 percent of its water, and these 12 percent do not live in the Third World.

For a penny

Consider the global priorities in spending in 1998

. Global Priority	. $U.S. Billions
. Cosmetics in the United States	. 8
. Ice cream in Europe	. 11
. Perfumes in Europe and the United States	. 12
. Pet foods in Europe and the United States	. 17
. Business entertainment in Japan	. 35
. Cigarettes in Europe	. 50
. Alcoholic drinks in Europe	. 105
. Narcotics drugs in the world	. 400
. Military spending in the world	. 780

. And compare that to what was estimated as additional costs to achieve universal access to basic social services in all developing countries:

. Global Priority	. $U.S. Billions
. Basic education for all	. 6
. Water and sanitation for all	. 9
. Reproductive health for all women	. 12
. Basic health and nutrition	. 13

I know this is not an entertaining piece. Its a warning. If you believe in fairies and Santa Clause then good luck else think about it for few minutes next time you buy a Bigmac with extra cheese.

Good day. good luck

Yours truly,
VA

Tags: agnihotri, bollywood, children, director, Humanity, India, poverty, riots, sanitation, vivek, water
Posted in Humanity, India, Terrorism, children, poverty | 43 Comments »

April 2nd, 2010

Dear all,

Sorry friends for disappearing for sometime. I have just started my next film and that got me busy non-stop.. Its tentatively called ’12′. I was supposed to start ‘Freedom’ which I have been working for past 12 months. Its a coincidence that after 12 months I am making “12″. When “Freedom” was taking time, I jumped out of it. And landed on “12″. now, it has 12 most talented actors of our times. What can be better than that. What if I had not jumped out?

Lots of friends and fans keep asking me why I don’t write about myself and Bollywood. I don’t ’cause I don’t want to. This space is used by the writer, photographer and above all a concerned citizen in me and not the filmmaker, that I am by profession.

I move around. I observe. i interact. I learn. While doing all this somethings bother me. I assume there are others who are also bothered by same issues. I speak. To test if I am a loner in this this new passion to raise my voice or there are others who may not speak but understand my point of view. In a democracy, everyone operates from his own opinion. And, he believes, that his the right opinion. Hence, conflicts. But democracy survives. How? Cause rationality survives. Since there are some people who can look at things objectively with a rational mind, we survive. So, maybe, I write so that I remain rational by questioning, debating, interacting. In an image and status driven industry that I am part of, its almost impossible to remain unbiased, focussed and rational. I have interacted with many top stars who believe their opinion, suggestion is the final verdict. Its not that they are arrogant or stubborn. They are victims of their own success. Finding success without any structured strategy, they start believing its them who make it happen. And if they don’t follow their instincts they will fail. Which they do, finally. My interpretation for failure in showbiz is that you fail when you think you have arrived. A constant struggler never fails. A constant learner never fails. A collaborator, a team worker never fails. one can never arrive. Cause there is no destination. Where do you arrive? When you are not ready to change in order to protect what you have accumulated, you die.

Do you know that: Several biological studies have shown that a frog placed in a container along with water from his pond, he will remain alive while you heat the water. The toad does not react to the gradual increase of temperature (change of environment) and only dies when the water boils, swollen and happy.

On the other hand, if a toad is thrown into that same container when the water is already boiling, he will immediately jump out. He will be a little singed, but alive!

Sometimes we can be like the boiled toads. We do not notice changes. We think everything is good, or that whatever is evil will pass, it’s just a matter of time. We are about to die, but we are floating, stable and apathetic as the water warms up every minute. We are dying, fat and happy, without having noticed the changes around us.

There are boiled toads who still believe that the key is obedience, not competence: might is right, and obey whoever is sensible. From all this, where is the real life? It is better to emerge from a situation, maybe a little singed from time to time, but alive and ready to act.

Have you jumped out of your water, lately?

Wish you all a happy long weekend.

Posted in Philosophy | 11 Comments »

February 22nd, 2010

PEPSI, POPCORN & POLICE - MNIK FIRST DAY- REGAL, BOMBAY

1. MNIK are the initials of a Bollywood movie ‘MY NAME IS KHAN.

2. Bollywood is the popular brand name for Indian (Hindi) Film Industry. Supposedly, the largest in the world by the number of movies it churns out every year.

3. Regal Cinema Hall is one of the surviving Heritage Single Screen theatre(capacity over 1500) in Colaba, Bombay, India- a few steps away from Leopold Cafe and behind Tajmahal Hotel where infamous 26/11 terror-attack took place. This five storied theatre has Stall, balcony and Dress circle (whatever that signifies).

4. MNIK stars King Khan aka Bollywood Badshah aka Number One aka SRK aka Shahrukh Khan. He plays a Muslim affected by Aspergus syndrome (whatever that means) who gets to shake hands with Obama in a public rally and the President of USA acknowledges that though his name s Khan he is not a terrorist. Film ends on this great Kodak Moment of the great Indian Victory.

5. I, along with, 20 others saw this movie at Regal (the elitist Dress Circle) on the opening day. The theatre was cordoned by hundreds of cops. Though its of no consequence, this theatre is next to Police headquarters. We had to wait for almost 45 minutes.

6. The reason for this security was the opposition of the movie by a political party (of no consequence) and an announced threat to disrupt the screening of this movie. Why? Noone has been able to fathom clearly. The toothless tiger didn’t like what SRK said about the inclusion of Pakistani players in IPL cricket teams. OK. Agreed. Then they should have boycotted/banned/disrupted the matches where SRK’s team was playing. But they decided to rally against a movie produced by Fox & Karan Johar(the same guy who had apologized to the Tiger’s nephew for calling Bombay, Bombay oops… Mumbai, Bombay. Why did they decide to attack the movie? Isn’t that an indirect protest? Why not the games where the real issue lies? Why didn’t they object to many other ministers, celebrities saying the same thing? Why didn’t they ban ‘Aman Ki Asha’ a Indo-Pak initiative where Pakistani artists were performing. Why? Noone bothered to find out. Its a different matter that there is a theory floating around about a Fox-Shiv Sena nexus. The theory is that Fox desperately needed an entry in indian market. A grand entry. It was there bad luck or wrong timing that ’3 idiots’ (another blockbuster movie by another Khan) not only became super successful, it set standards for a great movie in the nation’s psyche. All other films on the theme of Islamic terrorism and, therefore, discrimnation agaist Muslims in USA had bombed at the box office. One of them -’Kurbaan’ was from the same producer. So, Fox needed eye balls, foot traffic and mind share. Money didn’t matter. On the other hand, Shiv Sena had lost its sheen and its Tiger his teeth. They needed eye balls, mind share and money. The timing matched. Demand and supply matched. The Government and public, as usual, were the suckers. Both the collaborators got front page and eye balls and mind share. Monies equalized. That’s a theory and does not represent my personal views. Yes, I know for a fact that whenever one plans a movie one of the marketing discussion is how to create a controversy.

7. Well, the hype of this threat by media in a terror sensitive city converted this moment of a film’s release (there are around 2000 releases in a year making it astronomiclly highest in the world) into a historical moment in this ancient, historically rich country of over 20 million well-to-do and 80 million starving, dying people.

8. While this moment was being celebrated (sic), publicized, hyped, popularized in BO S(Bollywood-Obsessive-Disorder) media, 15 innocent people died in a bomb-blast in Pune, at German Bakery, few feet away from Osho’s Ashram at German Bakery. Just few hours after the grand opening of the film. Most of them were young students as Pune is sort of education capital of India.

Moments After Pune Blast

9. Bomb-blasts are not rare in India. They are part of our lives. Death of 15 people is a very small toll for a country trying to protect its huge population. The news died in 12 hours. The post-release analysis of ‘MNIK’ still goes on.

10. The reason deaths don’t affect us is that we are a spiritual country where death is a celebration as its a moment where we reincarnate. Reincarnation has hope in an Indian life otherwise filled with despair, suffering and agonies.

11. The reason SRK’s film became such a big news as he is s demi-god. And God’s are celebrated. No matter what.

12. The Chief Minster and his feeble ministers, the central government and everyone with power had commented, objected and asserted their powers against Shiv Sena’s threat to ban the film on moral grounds. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard anything of consequence from the same people. The people who had objected and the people who had objected to the objection.

13. Wherever I go people are discussing MNIK. Noone is even talking about the bomb-blast.

14. If you google right now Pune blast will have 78 news articles and MNIK 478. (by the time you click figures may change but the ratios won’t)

15. over 40 people are severly injured and are in various hospitals. MNIK grossed over 40 crores in its first weekend.

MORE COPS LESS VIEWERS AT MNIK- REGAL FIRST DAY

16. Congress Government claimed its victory as the movie was released without disruption. Shiv Sena was claiming it its victory as the movie was release at 3 and not at traditional time of 12 noon. They called it Government’s failure as the entire force was protecting cinema halls in Bombay. While these claims, counter claimswere going on, wile the parameters of a Government’s success were determined by the release of MNIK, while Governments and some holy citizens were celebrating the spirit of Bombay by pleading to people to go to see the film, the terrorists struck at German Bakery. People of no consequence (innocent citizens) died. Someone said that the apt answer to the terror attack would be to pledge to go and see the movie in huge numbers. Show must go on, they reminded us. Yes sir, Show is going on.

17. I am confused. Like many other. I don’t care anymore who is right and who is wrong. I don’t care whether its a conspiracy or not. I just want this nonsense to stop. All thios madness to change. I feel unsafe in my own country. I feel cheated by my Government, media and the people with power to influence my life.

18. I feel hapless. I am not being able to do nothing. I keep wondering what do I need to do? My kids go to school which maybe sancturies for terror attacks. And I can’t do a thing. Am I failing?

19. what if I was at the German Bakery. Or someone I love. What if you were there. Its a must-visit place if you ever go to Pune. By all probability we could have been there. I was there sometime back. What if one of us died?

20. Will that make me vengeful? Will I react like many people in many parts of India are reacting? With arms and bombs. Is this why they are blasting places, people? Did they ever feel like me? Hapless, insecured, unheard.

21. What are they called? Terrorists?

22. If I react in the way I deem fit will I also be called a terrorist?

23. I hope and pray to God (we have 3 million of them) that someone is listening and will ensure that I don’t have to ever say that I am an Indian and I am a terrorist.

24. If you haven’t prayed in long time, take a deep breath and pray.

25. Yours truly, VA.

Mumbai, February 22, 2010

Posted in Terrorism | 37 Comments »

February 1st, 2010

Dear Friends,

They have done it again.

The Moral Police is back on the streets with stones, lathis, fire bombs and hooliganism. Last time it was India’s top most icon and role model for billion Indians- Sachin Tendulkar. The highest run- getter with unparalleled records and, perhaps, one of the world’s top 5 sportsmen of all times. Its our luck that he was born in India. They stoned his house, burnt his effigies and asked him to leave Bombay. His fault was that on the day when the entire country was celebrating his mammoth new world-record and his two decades in cricket Sachin, in a press conference, said that 20 successful years in the game of cricket has mainly been possible because of the love he has for his country. When he was asked if he loved Maharasthtra first, he said he was an Indian first and then a Maharashtrian. Sachin also added that though he is a a proud Maharashtrian, it was important to acknowledge the fact that the state is a part of India, and more than anything else, he is an Indian first. This simple and the only truth didn’t work with the Commisssioner of Moral Police of Mahrashtra and in no time Sachin was rubbished, ridiculed by these moral policemen who have never stepped outside their headquarters in Dadar. Remember, in India you can question Gandhi’s integrity openly but you can’t question Sachin’s integrity. His game, his conduct, his views reflect meritocracy, integrity and excellence. He is the Pride of India. That was a mistake, Moral Police soon realized as in no time Sachin answered back by single handedly bringing victory in a game.

The Moral Police was losing mind-share and retention. They were looking for someone to break the moral law and order. And, it happened. On January 30th 2010, the death anniversary of Gandhi. Answering to a controversy regarding the exclusion of Pakistani cricketers in India’s new obsession IPL (cricket league matches) Shahrukh Khan (also the owner of a team: Kolkatta Knight Riders) said that he sees no harm in including Pakistani players…. When Indian and Pakistani players will play in same teams then the cross-border tensions, if not eliminated at least, will ease out. That’s it. Moral police got active. They infered that he is a muslim and his loyalties lie with Pakistan and, therefore passed a ruling that he should be sent to Pakistan and his movies be banned in India. The march which burnt his film’s posters was led by the Mayor and deputy Mayor (both Shiv Sainiks). They also banned Amir Khan because Amir also, like billions of Indians, reciprocated the same point of view.

This time they have banned India’s two most talented artists.

Protestors at Shahrukh's house

Shahrukh Khan and Amir Khan. These two artists alone have entertained milions across the globe for over 20 years now. They have put the brand ‘Bollywood’ on global map and are a force to reckon with. Shahrukh was listed in 50 most powerful brands/ persons by Newsweek, USA. Amir Khan’s latest ’3 idiots’ was one of the highest grossers of all times and in USA it was just few notches below all -time hhighest grosser ‘Avtar’. Sharukh’s latest film ‘My name is Khan’ is a Fox Searchlight film and is being released like a mainstream Hollywood film in USA. Its no joke for a country with 60 million hungry and homeless people. These two actors put together bring in such huge revenues and emloyment to film industry which otherwise makes 90% flop films. For people who don’t know, Shahrukh is married to a hindu girl and Amir’s both wives (ex and current) are Hindus. Not even once have they spoken, propogated or acted in a prejudiced manner. Both the actors have consistently participated in national and social awareness campaigns. They have conducted themselves as true secular citizens of the country. They are true secular icons in an otherwise communally polarized country. Is it wrong if they are seeking peace and harmony with Pakistan. I am seeking that too. Does it make me less Indian or more Pakistani? Is it Moral Policing? or Moral Terrorism? or Immoral Terrorism? Aren’t they terrorists?

They attacked Sachin and as usual there was pin-drop silence. And now, again, there is silence. You know why? Somewhere they have succeeded. They have broken the moral strength of the country. Everytime they attack an icon, artist, social reformer, writer and the Government sits quiet, avoiding or buffering the problem, the moral character of the country keeps getting weaker. You can’t blame the feeble Government as it survives on them whenever in crisis.

The other day I was invited to the premier of a friend’s Marathi film ‘Zhenda’ (The Flag). Film is based on power conflict/split between Raj Thackrey and Udhav Thakrey. Premier was slated at 9pm but started only at 11.30 pm. I wondered why. The guests were there, prints were there and the theatre was there. And there was no power cut as obvious in the glittering, swanky multiplex. I asked him if the film was censored. Yes, he said. Then why the delay. Reason: The film went through another censor board. It was sent to Bal Thackeray’s house for approval. He okayed it. Then it was sent to Raj Thakrey’s approval. He was unhappy but let it pass with lot of persuasion. Finally film was shown to us after 2.30 hours wait.

Next morning this friend was shooting for a show with my wife. In the middle of the shoot he got a call from his terrified wife while she was escaping in a taxi after few sainiks ransacked their house and threatened her and the kids. That’s not all when she escaped with her kids in a taxi, they chased her until her director husband apologised, potponed the release and altered the film. That day a film wasn’t altered. A belief system was altered. The director,his wife and his kids decided never ever to stand up for a cause and never ever to speak up fearlessly in a countrly being threatened and gradually ruled by moral terrorists. Silence.

I am sure catalougers of moral policing can throw more light but I remeber few shocking incidents where prominent actors, writers, artists, dancers, singers were attacked, weekend and altered and they never rose up again.

I was in college when the government banned DD newsreaders from wearing sleeveless blouses. I am not sure how many from the younger lot have seen those news readers but you can trust me that even if they were wearing no blouse they couldn’t have turned on anyone. And who thought that that sleeveless blouses generate evil thoughts in the minds of Indians. Hitler wanted to kill a race by putting them in gas chambers. We are trying to kill our people by putting a gas chamber in their minds. This chamber is called Censorship.??  Moral policing. Moral terrorism, as it stands today. When you deprive people of something that’s exactly what they crave for more. Look at prohibition in Gujrat. Perhaps, easiest place to buy liquor at cheaper rates.

A painting by Hussain done in the 1960s is suddenly a threat to our pristine traditions. Many of our 330 million Hindu Gods have spent the prime of their lives unclothed; the time has come to design moral robes for them. Khajuraho and Konarak now badly need saffron fashion designers. Do you know that according to Indian mythology Sarawsati, the goddess of education, arts and wisdom is supposed to be absolutely naked. She is the only goddess out of many which our ancestars decided to keep naked. Just think, why?

Khushboo, southern superstar actress makes some remarks on pre-marital sex to a magazine. While you may or may not agree with what she is saying, she is definitely entitled to that opinion and she has a right to say it. She was labeled a ‘anti-social’ and her remarks were labeled ‘against public order’. She apologised over and over again. She was sued in many courts and is still facing those lawsuits. For your information, pre-marital sex was part of Indian culture until India was invaded by Moguls and Europeans. Suhasini, a fellow actress also endured lawsuits for defending Khushboo.

Some time ago, a married couple was seen kissing each other inside a bar inside the park Hotel, Chennai where they were staying. Photographers from an evening newspaper ‘sneaked’ into the hotel and to the bar and snapped their pictures and published them in their newspapers. Following that publication, police, instead of going after the newspaper for invading the privacy of those photographed, the Hotel’s licence was revoked and arrested the hotel manager and the bar’s manager under Section 294 of IPC (Obscene Acts and Songs to the Annoyance of Others in any Public Place). How they defined a bar inside a hotel as a public place is beyond me.

Last year girls in Mangalore were pulled by hair out of a bar, molested and beaten on Camera by Ram Sene terrorists. It made me so proud and happy when few girls started ‘Pink Chhaddi campaign’ requesting everyone who was against this act to send a Pink Underwear on facebook and gradually it became a phenomenon. On valentiens day they couriered over one lac Pink Underwears to Ram Sene Commander in Chief. Pretty embarrassing. Ha.

Students, particularly girl students, of the prestigious Mumbai University, Anna University and many others are not allowed to wear jeans to college and the chancellor imposed other dress code regulations.

And my favourite, Savita Bhabhi’s internet site was banned for no fault of hers.

There are hundreds of cases like this. Its not that it has just started. Its been going on for years but recently it has got impetus in every other state. If you see who’s behind most if not all of these incidents it always ends up at these extremist organisations — such as DPI, PMK, RAM SENE, BAJRANG DAL, RSS, VHP, MSN and above all SHIV SENA. All these parties play a major role in Indian political system and are part of Governments in state and centre.

The moral police and terrorists hate love and love to hate. They begin to define the realm of the ‘normal’. They censor our films, define dress codes, and make laws to control the Internet, all in the name of decency and order, of protecting the vulnerable and preventing social chaos.

While we must protest, firmly and loudly, against gross violations like Mangalore and Meerut, can we begin to speak fearlessly against the little everyday violations, the covert ways in which our spaces for love and freedom are encroached upon? And above all, we must never forget: Ayodhya and Mangalore are both manifestations of the same politics of hate and intolerance that we must resist till our last Valentine’s Day.

Imposing one’s views on others in the name of guarding our culture, while they remained out of it. If they were really guarding culture, the same culture would not have them beat up, shove and push women around as they have been doing. What makes them resort to such acts? Is it an intuitive reaction or by reasoning? Moral policing in a secular country takes away the basic human rights, individual rights and autonomy. It gives way to division. Soon after following the pub incident, there were nearly half a dozen such instances recorded in moral policing which were for trivial reasons like talking with a smile to a boy of other community, going for a picnic in a group of mixed religions. Such religio- moral fundamentalism internalizes terror. It makes living unbearable. What else terrorists do? Aren’t they terrorist organizations? Think. And decide.

Richard Gere’s effigies were burnt by protesters when he kissed Shilpa Shetty’s cheeks and hand. “Death To Shilpa Shetty’ was the fatwa by moral terrorists. One of them went to the extent of saying that we are India. Not Pakistan where there are no values. Personally, I think these buggers are as bad as those mullahs in Pakistan who issued that Fatwa aginst their tourism minister for hugging her French paragliding instructor after her first jump. Never mind the fact that she’d just jumped from something like 10,000ft above sea level and actually survived. That’s pure ecstacy. In ecstasy what does one do? Hug the buddy. Its an adrenaline rush like no other and in that moment words are not enough. A hug is. But what do those “wise” old men know?

Getting back to the Indian mob, even now I still fail to see what the bloody deal is with the kiss on her cheek, oh and her hands. How does Richard Gere’s PDA (public display of affection, for those clueless) brand him as having, “…insulted Indian culture by kissing the hand and face of the Bollywood actress.” Kissing the cheek and hands is pretty much standard nowadays in most social functions. If I meet a friend and give her a peck on the cheek as an affectionate greeting, does it mean that I have violated the integrity of Indian culture??? That I have sunk to new levels of debauchery and demeaned Indian womanhood for all eternity???”

Come to think of it, what is the crux of the problem? That someone wants Pakistani players to play in India???? or that Shahrukh and Amir said that. Indian home minister P. Chidambaram also desired few days back that Pakistani players should play in India. Not because they are Pakistanis, for they are the best players in the game. Why ban Richard Gere? That he kissed an Indian woman in public or that he kissed a Bollywood actress in public??? HA!!!!! BULLSHIT. Why can’t MF Hussein return to India? cause he painted a semi-nude goddess?? Oh, comeon, there is nudity all around. I can’t think anyone who can beat the Bolly-Kolly-Tolly-Molly crowd that is the Indian film industry (where I work)and Indian Media when it comes to vulgarity and using sex as a marketing tool. Just look at what movies and media are covering today. Rape, Kissing (on the lips, not just the face and hands), Extra-Marital Affairs, Homosexuality, Pre-Marital Sex and on and on. How can the very same public that laps up this trash turn around and start pointing fingers at Richard Gere and MF Hussein? They don’t want Pakistani players as they have INDIA’s interest in mind then how is Sachin a traitor if he say I am an Indian first then a Maharashtrian?

If they believe that nudity in public threatens Indian morality, I advise, please visit their headquarters early in the morning and you will find near that building dozens of women queing up to take bath from a municiaplity tap. All semi nude. And you don’t have to be lucky to find fully nude women sleeping around on pavements all over Bombay. (for the reasons of morality and decency I can’t post those photos).

I rest my case.

I recieved this in my mail some time back:

You are immoral in INDIA if u

Smoke

Drink

Do “soft” drugs

Visit prostitute

Have pre-marital sex

Worst case have a g.f/b.f of different caste/religion

are homosexual

Eat “non-veg”

Rebel ur elders like parents, relatives, boss, society etc

are Atheist

But ur not if u

Jump the red-light at traffic junction

Throw garbage on the street

Burn fire crackers on the road and disturb other people driving vehicles

Take out religious procession and screw up the road and vehicle driver’s peace

Pay bribe to traffic policeman and government officials

Keep on honking on the road

If two persons r talking, won’t wait for their talk to finish and start up his/her matter

are unpunctual

having extreme right – wing ideologies

stare at female ne where on the road

So, what do you prefer. Silence? or speaking up? If the latter, do it now.

Yours truly,

Posted in India, Terrorism | 45 Comments »

January 12th, 2010

Dear Friends,

Happy New Year!

Sunrise in Himalayas

This Christmas season I was in Himalayas, near Mt. Kanchenjunga- the 3rd tallest mountain on earth.

In case you don’t know, Mt. Kanchenjunga is the only mountain where you are not allowed to summit it as its a holy mountain and is still worshipped by the locals. In fact, the king of Sikkim (before it was annexured) got very angry with the Government of India after an Indian mountaineer, with Sikkim’s official permission, climbed the mountain. Indian prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru wrote to him saying that Indians deeply respect the sentiments and in fact, as per the Sikkim Government’s own records, the mountaineer stopped 5 feet below the peak. A furious King replied to Nehru “I know that he stopped 5 feet below the peak but he was a tall man of 6 feet and, therefore, he was 1 feet above the peak and that was a sheer neglect and insult of our faith and feelings”. Its only after much persuasion and cajoling that any other Indian was allowed to climb it. But noone has ever summited it.

Just few hundred meteres short of Mt. Everest, Mt. Kanchenjunga, perhaps, is the most elegant visual delight. And if you are lucky you can see the divine light. I did.

In india there is a strong belief that you can’t visit holy places like Vaishnao Devi, Tirupati, Shirdi and many others unless the diety doesn’t call you. You can’t visit Vaishnao Devi until Mata calls you. And once she calls you you can’t stop. I always ridiculed this belief amongst many others. I still don’t know if its true but I know one thing for sure that if you love mountains and if the mountains love you, they call you. I am not talking about manicured mountains of Alps. I am talking about Himalayas. The rustic, uncivcilized, dangerous, unexplored mountains. Mountains where no two steps are similar. The mountains that surprise you at every step. The mountains which make you humble with every breath you take. The treks here have no signs, no indication of ‘easy, modest, hard’. The rivers are wild. There is no help, no emergency, no rescue. There are mountains with its tress, wild, flaura and fauna, you and the sky. And there is God. You can’t just get up and go there. Mountains have to call you. I got my calling in quick succession. First the mountains of Himachal and now Sikkim. I am back, humbler. Rejuvinated. refreshed. A city machine that’s me is now fully overhauled, serviced and repaired. Ready to beat the speed of a metropol. The man made mountains of junk, chaos and crowd.

I was staying in a heavenly place called Glenburn Tea Estate. Its one of the most ‘must-see’ places. Mostly visited by Britishers who want a first hand experience of how their ancestors enjoyed ruling and ruining this great country. A boutique bunglow/resort which has reinstated and recreated the colonial lifestyle which is rare to find even in England. The bunglow is called Burra Bunglow. Burra as in Bada Sahab’s bunglow. I have read a lot about British Raj and the luxurious lifestyle that they enjoyed amongst hundreds of slaves (read Indian poor). I have also seen many movies which tried to recreate the reality of those times. Every Indian has an idea how they lived in luxury. But you have to visit this place to realize that, actually, we have no idea. Its hostess Nina ensures that you live like a Royalty and feel like a Burra Sahib. I strongly recommend this place to every adventurous, spirited tourist. The location, service, staff, food and tranquility can surprise even the most travelled tourist. At $400 its expensive but the experience you come back with is invaluable.

Obviously, Burra saheb used to be a British fellow with 1000′s of Indian slaves at his service. Its only after visiting the place I realized that there are so many odd jobs in our daily life. And so many odd jobs that do not exist. Then there are jobs within jobs eg; shoe shining has sub task of organizing shoe laces. So, one slave for shoe shining another for shoe laces. Burra saheb had a dozen, couple or at least one slave to do each job. Tea? One slave. Coffee? Another slave. Water? Another. Bathtub filling, hat-hanging, shoe cleaning ….. you name it and there was one slave standing to do the needful. Burra saheb usually, after his 4 course breakfast rode his horse to make a round of the Tea Estate. fired some, cane some,kicked some and slept with some (most of the labour are women)and came back to a ready bath for his high tea with cakes, cookies and saviours. All freshly baked.

Times have changed now. Darjeeling district, the tea capital of the world which boasted of its exquisite tea, sprawling tea gardens and, of course, first toy train has it all, but lost its charm. The mall is crowded like Karol Bagh, delhi. The toy train doesn’t have toilets, seats are coming out. Tea Gardens are gradually shutting down and there are no Burra Sahebs. Roads are pathetic, development zero. Its populace, primarily Gurkhas have no jobs and their children no education. No wonder they are demanding Gurkhaland. Actually, its not even a demand anymore. They have decided they are Gurkhaland.

Every shop, every building, every nook and corner has Gurkhaland sign. Every banners and name plates have Gurkhaland plastered on it. The government chose to ignore them. When they confronted, the Government chose to buffer the problem. Frustrated and disgustedwith this attitude, they decided to use Gandhi’s way of protest. First, they started a non-violent movement. Nothing happened. Then they started non-cooperation. Nothing happened. Then they decided themselves that they are a state and painted every wall, shop and any visible diaplay as Gurkhaland. All addresses changed to Gurkhaland. Officcially, no Gurkhaland exists in India. But don’t be surprised if you post a letter to Gurkhaland and it arrives there. Notice the sign on the shops. Do you read Gurkhaland? Yes, that’s the new address. They have their own police (volunteers), its own uniform. Unfortunately, noone knows or cares about out in rest of India.

The area is mostly on strike. Highways are shut down between 10-5pm, schools, colleges, all establishments shut down but noone cares. I won’t be surprised if soon this movement becomes violent and then termed as naxalite movement. I will be surprised if that doesn’t happen.

I am back in Bombay. Its new year and I am dropping my son to school. Its early morning. Foggy. Bit chilly. Swanky cars are passing by with cheering kids ready to start a new semester in their schools, driven by their happy, proud parents. Bombay, after a long party, is back to work. While Everyone is wishing everyone, some people are still sleeping. My son opens his window and screams ‘ Happy New Year’. I wonder who is he wishing. He is wishing some strangers who are sleeping. Who are indifferent to our celebrations. You can go to hell, they do not care. Exactly like my Government.

I am posting the photo of these indifferent, uncaring, ignorant strangers on the morning of 2010.

The Morning of 2010

If you have forgotten to wish someone, do it now!

Yours truly, forever

Posted in Pop Philosophy, Travel | 71 Comments »

December 19th, 2009

Kanchenjungha from my window

A man walks into a room, fumbles for the remote, and turns on the TV. This is the quintessential act of modern life.

Dear friends,

Its been sometime I wrote. I am in a remote hill on Sikkim border, just under Kanchenjungha mountains with no TV, no phone and no internet. No shops, no people, no entertainment. Just the mountains, clouds and sky.

It makes me relaize what Tv and modern media does to our lives. It obliterates the three rarest commodities of our age: silence, solitude, darkness.

Cricket Live, Breaking news, debates, strange phenomenon, regressive soaps, basically always blaring bullshitting TV. ”You give us twenty-two minutes, we’ll give you the world” kinda nonsense. Enough Sunday paper to last till evening. Blockbuster Video. The Comedy Channel. The op-ed page. The 3rd page. Emails. RSS. Blogs. The mobile here. there everywhere, even in the toilet. The fax unrolling, the mobile SMS, Blackberry chirping. Two weeks of previews for the Academy Awards, the Academy Awards, three days of Academy Awards postmortem. T20′s pre match analysis, the match, post match analysis, highlights.

Ours is the age of distraction. Because our minds are jazzed. Because we fear boredom. Becuase we are so hooked on infodrug, on intravenous entertainment, that any break in the action seems unnnatural, a vacuum. And yet each of us intitutively feels this too: We are lacking something, something for which Solitude, silence, darkness. are insufficient substitutes.

Few days ago I came here at Glenburn, a tea garden in the middle of nowhere, on a long solo backpacking trip. Only a week is gone , but that seems as long as i have been with myself in this life. The hiking is tough but not harder than city life. Adventure is solo unlike collective struggles of city life. And for a day or two my mind still rang with the almost literal buzz of regular metropol life. My opinions on politics, the plots of movies I’d seen, my plans for the projects I’d take up next–I was my own little CNN, neurons chattering happily away. And I hardly noticed where I was hiking. My eyes were fixed on some invisible middle distance, the same place you look when you’re driving a car on the highway. But after a few days my head started to quiet down. I started to notice my body–to notice, almost for the first time in my life, when I was really hungry as opposed to feeling like it was time for dinner. I started to notice the woods, notice them deeply–stop for long stretches to watch birds, stare at strange flowers.

Feel the sun, feel it letting me stretch out. Feel the faint breeze.

See twilight turn detail to geometry and then to suggestion. Stare for hours. And so what? That is a hard question to answer, hard because the answers are subtle, hard because they are easy to ridicule. I think the answer goes like this:

Ther are other broadcasts, on wavelengths that do not appear on our cable boxes, other commentaries, which do not appear in the back pages of newspapers. These natural broadcasts are timeless–the sense of presence of the divine, for instance, that has marked human behings in every culture as far back as anthropologists can go and that we now try unsuccessfully to buy from spiritual gurus, televangelists, instant enlightenment books or crystal ball readers..

But these broadcasts are low, resonant only in stillness. They are easily jammed–we don’t have to be in the woods to hear them, but we have to be quiet. What doe these broadcasts concern? Nothing new. Nothing new. Nothing novel. Only the most basic information, the sort that can ground us; that we are part, a seamless part, of something very much bigger, which is an almost incomprehensible notion for us.

I’ll post as soon as I find internet.

If you have not stood in front of mountains, alone, in a long time or got lost in woods, do it now.

Yours truly

Posted in Travel | 62 Comments »

December 1st, 2009

babhiteaser2

Press Release

Contact: Puneet Agarwal

Email: contact@hot-india.com

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

3 P.M. EDT, July 12, 2009

STATEMENT FROM SAVITA BHABHI FOUNDER

JULY 12, 2009: “Dear Savita Bhabhi supporters. It is with a

heavy heart that I have to announce that I will be shutting down

the Save Savita campaign and everything associated with it.

Unfortunately, due to personal and family issues arising from my

going public last week, I am forced to take this decision.

I will be taking down all links and posts subsequent to

releasing this statement. I apologize for any inconvenience

caused to bloggers/tweeters that are linking to the content on

the Save Savita website.”

- Puneet

-End

And, finally, they assassinated Savita Bhabhi. Perhaps, the most creative and symbolic representation of Indian housewife in our sexually repressed society.

For those who don’t know, Savita Bhabhi is (was) the star of an eponymous pornographic cartoon strip distributed online. The comic was the brainchild of Puneet Argawal, a British-Indian businessman. And he certainly hit on a winning idea: this tale of a very buxom and very married Indian woman (the term “babhi” means sister-in-law) who gets it on at every opportunity. She was drawing an estimated 60 million viewers per month. But apparently Indian censors decided that the cartoon broke one cultural taboo too many. In fact, they decided that the cartoon posed a grave threat — and not only to India’s moral fiber. So, they used brand new laws passed after last year’s Mumbai terrorist attacks and designed to safeguard India’s national security to force Internet service providers to block links to the site.

The law under which it was banned reads like this: … that threaten “the sovereignty or integrity of India, defence and security of the state” or that endanger “friendly relations with foreign states”. But so too does the apparent hypocrisy of outlawing Savita Bhabhi, while allowing continued access to far more graphic forms of pornography in print, on TV and Bollywood movies. (Porn is technically illegal in India, but it is widely — if somewhat clandestinely — available in all its forms.) Critics say the government has chosen to single out the cartoon porn queen more because she is depicted as a sexually-liberated upper-class housewife — rather than because of any specific act or acts she performs in the cartoon.

Let me quote Richard Menon, the Indian founder of the US-based erotic film production house Ecstasyvision, as told to the AFP, “it has to do with how mature a society is.”

Exactly. So what does it say about the maturity of Indian society that the government feels a cartoon nymphomaniac poses an existential threat? Or jeopardise ‘friendly relations’ with foreign states. They don’t want to lose foreign direct investments. They believe that Savita Bhabhi might lure these investors and side track them. Or may be she might attract terrorists inside our borders. Oh, well, pathetic infrastructure & corruption won’t distract foreign investor but Savita bhabhi will. Ridiculous intelligence and sleeping-on-footpath security guards (yes, I’m talking about 26/11 black cat commandos sleeping on footpaths at Taj), increasing communalism, politically sheltered naxal movement and irresponsible statements from our politicians against communities and our neighbors does not pose any threat to the security of the country but Savita Bhabhi does. India likes to brag about what a free, liberal and tolerant democracy it is. But while it is certainly a democracy — and Indians do enjoy plenty of freedoms on paper — its claim to being a liberal democratic society is a joke. The freedom of expression, along with its women, children and poor remain constantly under threat not just from the left or right-wing groups or various Senas and Dals who collaborate with the state but from the state itself. The reason that she was called Bhabhi and not some Savita Darling shows the pervert fibre of a society which has always been in denial.

They say that Savita Bhabhi’s issue involves national morality, national culture, traditions and heritage. Bullshit.

The propagators and supporters of Savita Bhabhi’s assassination can fool you but they can’t fool me. They can’t talk me into the great traditions, culture, heritage, morality etc kinda bullshit as I am the child of Indian soil grown up in a joint family, in a middle class, small town. I have lived in dozens of representative small towns and I have seen the world. I have been part of all those Holis where umpteen number of Savita Bhabhi’s let their hair down in public. I have seen how all men try to put colour at all strategic parts of their bodies. I have seen hazaar Savita Bhabhi’s from very close quarters. I have seen them getting molested by their uncles, neighbors, servants even before they reached puberty. That is our tradition. Women, in our country have been suppressed, exploited and censored. I don’t think I need to throw any light on how women are treated in a typical traditional, cultured, moral household.

The allegation was that Savita Bhabhi was hurting the sentiments of Indians. Which Indians, I ask? Most certainly, not the modern youth who tries to, at least, treat women equal as long as they are young. Whose sensibilities was she hurting? Not the working corpoarte, urban metrosexuals. Not the liberal aware, well travelled Indians. Not the working couples. Not the villagers where most of the India lives. Not the slums where almost rest of India lives. Not the millions who sleep on footpaths, railway stations. Not even that labor carrying tons of load in 48ºC.

Where have these protests come from? I’ll tell you where have they come from. They have come from men who look at women as objects. From men who ill-treat their women and lust neighbor’s wife, sister or daughter. Men who’s eyes keep following their maid servant’s cleavage when she is mopping the floor. These are Men with repressed libidos ready to screw anyone with tits. Men who love brothels and dance bars. Men who clandestinely collect and explore pornography. Men who have been fantasizing Savita Bhabhi for very long. Its their world of fantasy. They have two compartments in their mind. One occupies God and morality. The other is the home to Savita Bhabhi and perversion.

They did not kill Bhabhi her for nudity. It was her immoral behavior. And what was that behaviour? That she was sensuous. That she expressed her sexual repression in many subtle, creative ways. That she was ready to encourage and entertain her husband’s friends, colleagues and other sundry suppliers, vendors or anyone with a strong libido and roving eye. That she was making and accepting passes and teasing all those who enjoyed it. Whenever and whoever Savita Bhabhi got a chance with. So? isn’t it a true representation of reality. It was the nuances that threatened them.

I am not trying to make a martyr out of her. I am writing a RIP for Indian house wife. Who was Savita Bhabhi after all? Savita Bhabhi — a curvaceous, sari-clad , Indian housewife with long, black tresses offset by a line of fiery red vermillion to mark her marriage. Savita lived in a humble Indian middle class home, prepared breakfast for her husband before he left for work every morning, and waited dutifully for him to return.

But unlike conventional advertising world’s target audience bhabhis or mythological Sita Bhabhi’s or even Bollywood’s typical sati savitri Bhabhi’s, Savita used the time in-between to explore her sexuality. Distant cousins, bra salesmen, old flames, teenage neighbours — her ravenous appetite spared few. And during the recession when she had to find work, she even had it with her husband’s boss and a female co-worker! Kill me if its not the true, honest, naked portrayal of a typical sexually repressed Indian Housewife. Be honest. Don’t you know her, right now, in flesh and blood. Be honest, aren’t you one of those several visitors to her house. Tell me you never tried to seduce her. Nothing wrong with it. But thousands of years of hypocrisy can’t be challenged and exposed in one day. That too by an NRI. What does he know about our great culture where women are treated like Sita. Wow, I like that Great Indian Lie.

Now some Agrawal guy from UK realizes the commercial potential of this hidden testosterone of Indians. So he decided to expose their pervert fantasy on the web. Suddenly, everyone in the world has access to this fantasy which thus far has been their secret. Its does not remain thier personal property, anymore. She is in public domain. And thats what they hate. They hate the guts of Agrawal. They hate him for pictorially depicting what they inherited from their forefathers. After all Agrawal brought the woman of their house out in open with her kinks. He spelt out what she has been thinking inside the boundaries of her traditional house.

They have been doing that with Savita Bhabhi for ages. Its been their family tradition. Their great heritage. Everyone has done that with some Savita Bhabhi ot the other and everyone knows that and it was a well known secret. Agrawal destroyed that. That too an outsider. The game has been made visible. Now, if two Savita Bhabhi’s exist, one at home or at neighbor’s house and another on the web, the world gets to know about it and its not easy to share your extra litlle sexual games with a tittilated public. Now, when this Indian Moral Man looks at his wife he suspects a Savita Bhabhi living inside her. When he walks on the street or buys paan at the corner shop he feels everyone is looking at him knowing what he is upto? He feels naked, bare right in the centre of the market, office or in a bus or a train or in the parliament. He is an MP but fully exposed amongst his constituency. So is the constituency. So are so many Savita Bhabhi’s who have been wearing robes of activists, social reformes and basically wellwishers of society coming from a history of repressed sexuality. So all these exposed men and women who had been sleeping or thinking of sleeping with each other, getting kick out of cheating someone, suddenly find that this joy is not exclusive. They can’t come out openly and say ‘Hey Mr. Agrawal, how dare you let our family secret be out… You can’t share our family and bedroom secrets on the web… For Savita is my wife… She is my Bhabhi… She is the wife of my friend… She is my secreatary…. She is the woman I do charity work with. Oh, she is all around me’. They can’t say this.

So, they needed a weapon to kill. They needed a bomb to strike and kill all those 60 million people who were now laughing and enjoying this toon, growing with 200,000 visitors a day and 30,000 registered e-mail subscribers. They can’t let them laugh at their pervert games. So they pick up the moralistic route. Imagine, the man who has been sleeping with his own or his friends bhabhi says that its morally wrong. The entire parliament which represent us, agreed. They agreed on our behalf. They decided for us. On behalf of people like you and me, the youth, the liberated woman, the progressive Indian, the liberated Indian. They agree and decide that we, the people, don’t need that. Why? Because the big-libido, Bhabhi molester, Moralistic Indian Man doesn’t want it. And the Government of India, led by the most educated man and the pioneer of liberalization, bans it. You will laugh if i tell you which law bans it: Its a threat to national security. The toon of Savita Bhabhi is a threat to national security. Oh, comeon…. give me a break.

They haven’t banned Plastic. They haven’t banned eve-teasing, they haven’t banned disrespect to women, old, children and handicapped . They haven’t banned slums, they haven’t banned illiteracy, they haven’t banned malnutrition,spurious medicines, they haven’t banned ragging, they haven’t banned irresponsible, tittilating electronic media, they haven’t banned sexually charged, soft porn Bollywood or Mollywood movies known as commercial, masala potboilers or highly sexually nuanced soaps on National TV…. they have banned nothing… they haven’t banned criminals from entering parliament … but they have banned a creative man’s marvellous creation. They killed creativity. 60 million people used to read it regularly. Were they immoral? Just a few hundred men who never read it but banned it. Because they are moral. Oh, comeon stop bulshitting, please.

When they decided to kill Savita Bhabhi, thousands of immoral people like me and you started ‘Save Savita’ campaign, hundreds of R.I.P groups sprung up online, mourning her death. Many have decided to use Right to Information act and Public Litigation campaigns to revive her. Don’t they know that a country ruled by a stone-age, political-social-evil nexus will crush them. Satyamev doesn’t Jayate here anymore. They have transformed the free, innocent, charming face of Indian girl to a scared, molested and hapless expression. They have destroyed the national character of inclusiveness to divisive, they have changed the national DNA from honesty and non-violence to a corrupt, schemeing, manipulative and violent DNA. They are too powerful. They design and define morality. In the name of Buddha, Gandhi, Shivaji, Ram, Mohammad, Hindi, Marathi, north, south…… and even a Savita Bhabhi. India is a country where immorals decide contemporary morality. Be it Ramayana, Mahabharata, Savitri, Padmini or even Savita.I don’t care what people think of Sitas or Draupadis or Savitas hundred years later but at this moment they are repressed, molested and raped. They are beaten inside, outside bars, colleges and on the streets and those images run on national TV for the consumption of public. I want to put it on record that I think Savita Bhabhi is one of the most moralistic characters we have come upon in the history of this country.

I’ll tell you why I think Savita Bhabhi is moral. What is moral. Moral is a human principle. A principle which has universal resonance. A belief which is born out of an independent mind. A belief which is born out of freedom and is practiced with integrity. And to practice a moral one needs courage. Not the one of arms and ammunitions. But inner courage. Its human right to express its sexuality, directly. Its moral to be free. Its moral to be empowered. Its moral to expose hypocricy. Its moral to break the shackles of the sham world the Indian Moral Man traps them in. Its moral to challenge a sexually repressed society which disguises its fearful, sexually inadequate men in the garb of machoism. Savita Bhabhi did all this and that. She is moral. Period.

A society which does not curb and, instead, channelizes the collective sexual energy of its society, ends up innovating, creating and evolving. It produces great artists, scientists, explorers, leaders. Because no other energy, be it anger, greed, violence has more vigour and drive to create. For the only purpose of human Harmones & Sperms Inc is to create. If channelized, it produces work of great brilliance and excellence. When you suppress it and don’t let it create it becomes destructive and manifests in forms of violence, greed, prejudice, cheating, corruption, eve-teasing, murder, rape. And that’s exactly what our society has been doing for a long time. No wonder the incidence of terrorism, local viloence, household violence, eveteasing, ragging, molestation, corruption and any evil worth mentioning is highest in countries where sex is suppressed. And, no wonder, why our country is amongst the toppers in this list.

I rest my case.

4703_40931114981_19710074981_462422_4677232_n

I can’t resist quoting a mail from a friend with the idea of challenging all my IT friends “…. Internet experts say that the developers can easily change the proxy of the website and make it accessible. In fact, some still claim sightings of Savita on certain sites….”.

I would like to hope and believe that Bhabhi is not dead, just exiled, and will be back soon with a new episode that, perhaps, sees her seducing the government and its shareholders. For your sake and mine . For the sake of our country.

Sleep tight. And please, as a protest, dream of Savita Bhabhi. Just in case, you have not see her, take a close look at her and dream her.

Good night.

Yours truly…

Posted in Pornography | 67 Comments »

November 27th, 2009

Bombay. The morning of 26/11/09

Dear all,

26/11 came and went.

The so-called anniversary (sic) was celebrated by media, in media and for the media. Democracy, at its best. So many retired Generals (both from India and Pakistan), IGPs, losing MPs, denture-clad journos, ex and current celebrities and many more vomited their frustrations and indulged in Government bashing. Millions of ‘Made in China’ candles got sold. For a change, National anthem was played outside cinema halls. A victim cop’s wife released her memoirs. Publishers clapped. Thousands of well written ‘status lines’ were posted on Facebook. Several ads were released. Commerce, like Christmas and Diwali or Valentine’s day, got impetus in an otherwise recession hit economy. PM issued a cliche joint satement with Obama (…. the terrorists must be punished…). Our Presidet became the first Lady president in the history of the world to fly a Sokhoi bomber aircraft. Special guided tours to Leopold Cafe and Taj were conducted. Terror Celeberation, finally, came to an end at midnight. And all the celebrators of 26/11 with aching legs, soar throats and ‘job well done’ satisfaction went to sleep.

But I couldn’t sleep.

Life is a poetry. Absurd. Ambiguous. Out of context. Unreal. Illusive.

Life, in the land of 70 million undernourished, electricity-toilet-drinking-water-less, popping ribbed, feeble, going-nowhere people, somehow, always finds poetry in almost every sitiuation.

We are unique. India is unique. Our sensibilities, out politics, our values, morals, ettiquettes and expressions are unique. Unlike Chinese who are closed, cold, mysterious we are loud, opinianated, highly expressive and emotional yet impossible to comprehend. We keep threatening Pakistan. We keep challenging China. We keep warning the terrorists. We keep an arrogant facade with US. We just don’t care about rest of the world. We keep abusing and exploiting our own poor people. We keep baosting about our IT industry. We keep advertising our development plans. We copy, we cheat, we corrupt yet we quote Buddha and Gandhi everywhere. We enroll in the global game of unification and divide our own people. We sell non-violence to the world and we kill, rape and slaughter babies, women, olds handicapped and hapless people .

Who are we?

Why is there such a discrepancy in what we say and what we do? Nobody wants corruption. Have you ever met anyone who wants it? Zero chances. Yet, there are zero chances to meet someone who is not corrupt at some level.

Who are we?

I want to know. I want to hear what you think.

Mustafa Neemuchwala writes to me:

“Completely Agreed. “Evil prevails when good men don’t act.”
As you said, 60% people here live in slums. They just take take advantage of this vulnerable mass by misguiding them. They are no different from those terrorist organizations that are nurturing in Pakistan. They have no sense of nationality, no humanity, no unity. They have the same agenda that the Britishers had when they ruled India. Divide and rule.
I am glad someone stood up and had the courage to speak up”.

Bindiya Charan, diplomat at Portugese embassy writes:

“TO BE APATHETIC IS TO SLEEP!!!!!

Pity the nation that raises not its voice
save when it walks in a funeral,
boasts not except among its ruins,
and will rebel not save when its neck is laid
between the sword and the block.

Pity the nation whose statesman is a fox,
whose philosopher is a juggler,
and whose art is the art of patching and mimicking.

Pity the nation that welcomes its new ruler with trumpeting,
and farewells him with hooting,
only to welcome another with trumpeting again.

Pity the nation whose sages are dumb with years
and whose strong men are yet in the cradle.
Pity the nation divided into fragments,
each fragment deeming itself a nation.”

A journalist friend calls me and asks me why must I write all this bullshit. He suggests if I write about Bollywood and actors and film shootings etc., may be I’ll have more readers. He is absolutely right. He learnt from experience. He used to do Eco-journalism. Well researched and very important. But no one read or cared. Now he writes for Page 3 (mostly cut-paste from PR’s press releases). About socialites, celebrities, models, parties and Bollywood. He is a very important and influential figure.

Why don’t we honor and respect the voice of reason? We want to do business with US, we want to be like US but we hate their objective, pragmatic and rational approach. We lie and we are humble people. Their straight-forward, frank and mostly honest approach is perceived as arrogance. Why? I may not have answers. I want you to tell me, why?

We are not politicians, journalists, TV anchors, activists or terrorists. We are ordinary people. How do we fight the nonsense we see around us? I can write. That’s all I can do independently, with my own resources. Without any help. Everything else is a business with an agenda and hidden motives. Change, to whichever degree, must come. And it must start with ‘me’. In rapidly changing geo-political realities and fleeting values if we do not change our attitudes, sensibilities and approach we will end up creating several 26/11 to celebrate. 26/11, like 9/11 was an inevitable consequence of a certain attitude toward the people we live with. There is no village, city, mohalla, state or a region in India which does not have mini 26/11s imprinted on its walls. You may not be able to see them as they are covered with ‘India Shining’ posters. But they are there. You can put a Picasso over the crack on your wall but the crack remains. 26/11 s are imprinted in our psyche. J&K, Himachal, Punjab, MP, UP, BIhar, Mahrashtra, Gujarat, AP, Karnataka, Chattisgarh, Uttaranchal, Tamilnadu, Goa, North-east, WB…… name a state where there is no insurgency. Yesterday, on NDTV, this was reaffirmed by our Home Minister Shri P. Chidambaram. That interview reflected the dangerous times we live in. When Barkha Dutt, along with her 100 ‘I-wanna-be-on-TV’ type audience, tried to corner the Minister on questions like why doesn’t Government do anything against Pakistan, terrorists and Naxalite, he closed his eyes for a moment and asked her “What would have you done?”

There was pin-drop silence.

And, that is exactly what I am scared of. Silence. I don’t want to see a volcanic 26/11 emerging out of accumulated indifference and neglect. Let me warn you that next time that pin-drop silence won’t take place in the studios of NDTV.

Speak up. Today. And everyday.

Yours truly,

Posted in India, Terrorism | 12 Comments »

November 24th, 2009

Bombay. City Never Sleeps

Hello everyone,

Before Bombay could wake up, they did it again.

They attacked Sachin Tendulkar in their mouthpiece paper ‘Samna’. They accused Sachin of not supporting Marathi players, specially Vinod Kambli. This is just few days after their Commander in Chief issued warnings to Sachin for what he said about Mumbai. Sachin said that Mumbai belongs to India (and not just Maharashtra). Then they ransacked the offices of Lokmat, one of the oldest Marathi newspaper and news channel.

Ashish Sanyal, writes to me “Sena vs Sachin. This is the last thing that Sachin needed after serving the country for 20 years!! Sad to see that he seems alone in this,simply because we are all too scared that the Sena/MNS goons will vandalize our office or homes. The Shiv Sena have been doing this for the last 25 years and the government of the day has allowed them to get away, and now have the MNS also to deal with!! The present Chief Minister needs to come down on these goons with a heavy hand because if they are allowed to continue it will only soil the cosmopolitan fabric of the city further. With regard to Sachin hope some of the leading lights of the city come out to support him because at the moment he and his family appear to be alone. Will Mr Bachchan (a friend of the Sena) Asha Bhosle, Sarad Pawar and Sunil Gavaskar please speak up!?”

Trust me, they will not speak. No one will speak. No one spoke when they were beating Madrasis (sic) South Indians in 70′s. No one spoke when they were bashing Muslims in 80′s & 90′s. No one will speak when they start beating their own Marathi fellows in 2020′s, which they will. Trust me. Its a priori.

What angers me is not what MNS or Sena says. Its the silence. Its the mute spectators. How come not a single soul, who could influence, has ever challanged these talibanisque leaders. How come the sports minister, BCCI Secretary or central leadership never says anything. But they never say nothing. Be it Sikh riots, Babri, Godhra, Bhagalpur, Bombay riots/blasts or even 26/11. One man stands and orders his followers to beat all north Indians as Mumbai is only for Marathis. Everyone keeps quiet. I have seen Sikhs burning in Delhi. I have seen Muslims burning. I am seeing India burning. Bombay is burning. Its quiet. Pin drop quiet. Is it a city of deaf and dumb.

In a party, I asked a veteran colleuge from Bollywood, who always has something to say about any sundry issue, about his silence on this issue and he said “Goonde mawaaliyon ke kaun moonh lage“.

Let me tell you this: A country where intelligentsia, academicians, artists & politicians keep mum will, most certainly, move towards ‘Goonde Mawali’. Evil prevails when good men don’t act.

That’s exactly what hapened to this country. Post Rajiv Gandhi the intelligentsia got busy making money and getting famous. The fruits of liberalization and modernization were first enjoyed by the cream of the country. They just couldn’t get out of that new-found, page-3 fame. The cream of the society wasn’t khadi clad, ‘sada jeevan uchch vichar’ kind of cream any more. It transformed. It changed its attire to Armanis, cigars, wines and parties. After Babri, Bombay riots and Godhra, it transformed. It changed. It became more communal. We started becoming more clanish. When you start clinging to your own insecurities you create weak citizens. End up promoting mediocrity. Its no wonder that in last few years we haven’t produced real heroes. Neither in politics, science, literature, art, movies and even sports. Sachin, perhaps, is the last true hero of the decade. His heroism is monumental. Now they want to demolish him. No one, including his team-mates, has uttered a word. Mediocre don’t raise their voices against Goondas. Mediocres don’t protest. They have systematically weakened the collective moral strength of the country. First, the intelligentsia died. Then the common man was assassinated. Now they are after the down trodden. The poor labour from Bihar. The doodhwala. The bhaiya.

Homeless migrants

Home away from home

If you are not Marathi you have no right to call it amchi mumbai. Sachin has no right to call it India’s Mumbai. He has no right to call himself a proud Indian. What a screwed up logic? You can’t be a Mumbaikar if you don’t speak Marathi. you can’t take oath in Hindi. You can’t do nothing if the great tiger and his fellows don’t want you to do it. You can’t paint what you like. You can’t write what you think. You can’t film what you visualize. You can’t stand up on the right. If you are a woman its worse. You can’t drink. Can’t wear short dresses. You can’t show Kareena’s back. You can’t call Mumbai Bombay. Its all against Marathi culture. I am married to a typical Maharashtrian girl for last 15 years. I know a bit about Marathi culture. This is not Marathi culture. It is not even culture. Though, it certainly sounds a lot like Taliban culture.

Marathi. Marathi. Marathi. Aahhhhh….. any more Marathi and I am going to have a climax. I have started feeling that this issue works like some kind of erotica for them. The issue of Marathi must be turning on the tiger and his nephew cub with a newly formed party, why else would anyone doubt people’s faith in such a rich culture, heritage. Why would anyone believe that changing Bombay to Mumbai alone will reinstitute its pride as a Marathi city.

First thing first. This is not Mumbai. This is Bombay. In essence, spirit, history, tradition, culture, lifestyle, architecture, food and population.

Ptolemy, the greek philosopher, called it Heptanesia ( the conglomerate of seven islands). It was ruled by Maurya Empire in 3rd BC. Followed by several dynasties inluding Satarahnas, Chalukyas and many more. Then it was ruled by King Bhimdeva who brought Pathare Prabhus from Saurashtra, Gujarat, as the first settlers.Later, it was annexed by Muslim rulers of Gujarat. who lost it to Portuguese . The city then was given as a dowry of some Portuguese princess to British, in 1700′s. Then it was ruled by British as Bombay Presidency. After independence it was suppossed to be the capital of a joint states of Gujarat & Maharashtra. Then it was suppossed to be an autonomous city/state. After blood bath at Flora fountain, where 105 people died, it finally became capital of Maharashtra.

Despite all the dynasties, rulers, invaders its been ruled by its people and its dynamics. It has been ruled by its Gujaratis, Parsis, Iranis, Muslims, Underworld, Bollywood, slum dwellers. Sex & Money. Crime and terror. Now ruled by nobody.

Bombay/ Mumbai. Its not Marathi. Its nobody’s city. For its not a city. its a phenomenon.

What determines a city’s culture? Its demographics. So. lets look at Bombay/Mumbai’s demographics:

60% live in slums. (should we call it Slumbay?)

over 10 lac people sleep on footpahs and streets.

Mumbaikars home

58% of the population is Non-maharashtrian.

More than 55% of the net population addition consists of migrants from outside Maharashtra.

Source: World Gazeteer & Indian census

Bombay is a potpourri of many communities and cultures. Its language is Bumbaiya. Its culture is money. It used to smell of freedom, progress, brilliance, innovation, enterprise and inclusiveness. This was the only city where women could travel in a local train at midnight. This is the only city where muslims worship Ganesha and Marathis go to Dargahs. For how long, I don’t know.

Who are these people? Marathis?

Two National Icons. Bollywood Heroine & Begging child

Citizens of Bombay at a street crossing

Mumbaikars

And who is this woman…. Marathi? Kashmiri, Parsi or Gujrati? Can anyone please identify her? For last 15 years I have found her at the same crossing begging every waking second of the day. I, still, couldn’t figure out het true identity. Is she a citizen of Bombay or Mumbai. Or nowhere? Please help. Shiv sainiks? MNS? Please identify. If she is not Marathi, shouldn’t we kick her outta here.

Ageless Bombay

If you drive across the entire city you will hardly find Maharashtrian restaurants. Out of 25 odd 5 star hotels not even one has Marathi cuisine on board. The entry points like airport or railway station don’t reflect any Marathi culture barring forced name changes to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus. The museum catalogues history of India and nothing about Mahrashtra. The writers who feature everday in page 3 write in English, not Marathi. Newspapers, magazines, tabloids are mostly in English. You will find Gothic architecture. Art deco and even Muslim architecture wherever you go. There is hardly any building with Marathi architecture. There is hardly any fashion designer who takes refrences from traditional Marathi fashion. There is hardly any Marathi music in music stores. Out of 8 FM channels not even one is Marathi. In cinema halls there are hardly any Marathi movies. If any, it runs in mornings. The 2nd largest or the largest ( I don’t know) film Industry (Bollywood) produces films in Hindi & Bhojpuri. There are Jazz, Latino, Salsa, hip-hop or Bollywood dance classes everywhere. Not Lavani. Three major festivals, Kala Ghoda, Banganga and Bandra festival have nothing to do with Marathi culture. The traveller’s guides talk about colonial history of Bombay and never about Marathi cuture and heritage.

My question is what makes Bombay Mumbai. How come its Marathi and not Indian. By calling it Mumbai can we change it from a cosmo to a regional city. By calling it Mumbai can we erase its deep rooted colonial history. What are they trying to do? I don’t even want to think about an inevitable eventuality in next few years.

Changing names don’t change personality.

For some people, name change still matters. Let me quote from ‘Maximum City’, Suketu Mehta’s highly acclaimed book on the underbelly of Bombay. In a chapter dedicated to Shiv Sena’s Commander in Chief Bala Saheb Thackeray he writes:

“…his monstrous ego was nurtured from infancy. His father was a social reformer and anglicized his surname after William Makepeace Thackeray, the Victorian author of Vanity Fair”. Source: Maximum city by Suketu Mehta.

If this is true then I REST MY CASE.

Please, don’t let them attack Sachin. Dont let them attack. Period. Try and raise your voice. Even if its once. Do it. Talk to someone. Write to someone. If you find no one then write to me.

Take care. And live fearlessly.

Yours truly

Posted in India, Pop Philosophy, Terrorism | 136 Comments »

The Jokers & The Ringmaster of 21″ Circus – vol. 1

There are people dyin’…

Jump or Die.

My Name is Indian and I am soon becoming a Terrorist

MORAL POLICING OR MORAL TERRORISM

Happy New Year!

In The Middle Of Nowhere

Savita Bhabhi. An Obituary

26/11 and Pin-Drop Silence.

Bombay sleeps…